Summary
The Lie of “I Can Handle It”
At one point, I was:
- Leading corporate marketing at a demanding job
- Building the backend of a tech platform for a startup
- Branding another startup from scratch
- Trying to raise a family through crisis
- Living on fast food and caffeine
- Watching my credit card debt skyrocket
- Pretending I had it all under control
And then, my boss casually asked:
> “Do you have the capacity to take on another startup?”
And I said…“Sure.”
Not because I had time. Not because I had energy. But because I forgot I was allowed to say no.
Overcommitment Is a Trap Dressed Like Opportunity
Overachievers fall into this trap because:
- We’re praised for doing the impossible
- We’re terrified of being seen as weak
- We’ve been trained to say “yes” and figure it out later
- We confuse obligation with value
But here’s what I’ve learned: Saying yes to everything is a great way to become nothing to yourself.
How I Knew It Was Time to Stop
It wasn’t just burnout. It was:
- Working 7 days a week for months with no end in sight
- Constantly forgetting small things and beating myself up for it
- Feeling resentment toward everything and everyone
- Living in “I’ll fix it next month” mode—every month
- Realizing I didn’t even recognize the version of me in the mirror
Something had to change. And spoiler alert: it wasn’t the workload. It was the permission I refused to give myself.
What I Did Instead
I created what I call my Overcommitment Filter—a 3-question gut check I use for every opportunity:
- Does this align with my real goals—or just someone else’s panic?
- Will this still matter 90 days from now if I say no?
- What will it cost me to say yes (energy, time, health, connection)?
If the cost is higher than the win, I pass. Period.
Pro Tip: Look at Your Calendar and Credit Card
Want to know what’s really driving your overwhelm?
Look at:
- Your calendar (where your time is bleeding)
- Your inbox (whose problems you’ve absorbed)
- Your credit card statement (what stress is costing you financially)
That’s the real data. And it’s why productivity hacks won’t save you if your life is overcommitted.
What I Want You to Know
You’re not lazy, broken, or “bad at time management.” You’ve just been carrying too much for too long.
Saying no isn’t quitting. It’s protecting your capacity for the work (and life) that actually matters.
Want My Overcommitment Filter?
I turned my 3-question gut check into a 1-page printable for your desk, inbox, or fridge.
Includes:
- The filter
- A red/yellow/green decision grid
- One bold reminder: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Let the guilt go.
Let the power return.
—Sterling Phoenix
