Summary
Ambition Doesn’t Come With an Off Switch
My husband Alexander is one of the most driven people I know.
Brilliant. Tireless. Always thinking.
Most nights he sleeps five hours—max.
He’s constantly creating, building, leading. He never truly turns off.
Unless he’s on a plane.
Or in the passenger seat of a car.
Then? He’s out like a light.
I used to joke, “You’re just wired like that.”
But the truth is, his nervous system has learned only two modes:
“Go hard.”
“Crash hard.”
And I realized… so had mine.
Rest Isn’t Natural for High Performers
Here’s what no one tells you about ambitious people:
We don’t resist rest because we’re lazy.
We resist it because it feels unproductive, vulnerable, or even dangerous.
When you’ve been rewarded your whole life for being “on,” rest feels like a liability.
You don’t rest because you’re tired.
You rest because you’ve learned how to trust your body again.
How I Learned to Shut My Brain Off
Me? I need ritual.
I can’t just “go to bed.”
I need:
- Low-stimulation evenings
- Zero work talk after 8pm
- Gentle music or ocean sounds
- A soft-lit bedroom
- NO scary shows (seriously—I learned the hard way)
I have to unwind my mind, not just my muscles.
Because otherwise, I lie there with my brain whispering:
> “What about that thing you didn’t do yet?”
> “Did you triple check that email?”
> “What if tomorrow blows up?”
That’s not rest.
That’s anxiety on a memory foam mattress.
Our Favorite Rest Hack: The “Rest Vacation”
When we’ve been going hard for too long, Alexander and I take what we call a “rest vacation.”
The destination doesn’t really matter. We just pick a city that’s “away” and find a hotel with an amazing mattress.
Then, we give ourselves full permission to:
- Sleep late and nap often
- Order room service and lounge
- Do nothing for hours
Sometimes we don’t even leave the room all weekend. No computers. No doom scrolling. No productivity. Just us… and deep rest.
By day two, we’re laughing again. Energized. Recharged.
Ready to take on the world.
It’s not laziness. It’s strategic restoration.
Rest Is a Skillset, Not a Mood
Let me say that again:
Rest is a skill.
It’s not something you “feel like” doing.
It’s something you have to practice.
Especially if you’ve built your entire identity around achievement.
Here’s what helped me and Alexander rewire:
- Name your shutdown triggers (eg: news, Slack, scary movies)
- Create a Power-Down Routine (we’ll share ours below)
- Remind yourself: Rest IS productive (because your brain needs repair time)
Bonus: The Plane Phenomenon
Ever notice you sleep better when:
- You’re on a plane
- You’re in the passenger seat
- You’re not in charge?
That’s your nervous system finally releasing control.
We don’t just struggle with rest.
We struggle with letting go.
The more power you hold, the harder it is to let your guard down.
What I Want You to Know
You are not lazy.
You are not broken.
You are not weak for needing rest.
You are just ambitious… and human.
And your brain—yes, even yours—deserves a break.
You don’t have to earn rest.
You have to learn it.
Want the Rest Ritual Builder?
We created a printable to help you wind down without guilt.
Includes:
- Power-Down Routine Builder
- Personalized Sleep Cues checklist
- Alexander’s “Plane Mode” trick
- Rest Vacation Checklist
- One bold reminder: Rest is repair—not retreat.
You can go far.
But not without learning to pause.
—Sterling Phoenix
