Summary
The Invisible Drain
One day I realized I was drowning in the “invisible labor,” and more, that is so often a popular topic in the news.
You see, I used to think:
- Asking for help with chores meant I was failing
- Buying cookies for the bake sale was embarrassing
- Saying no to a family event made me selfish
- Delegating meant things wouldn’t get done right
- Fixing everything quietly was “just easier”
But the truth? None of those things made me stronger. They just made me exhausted.
I was buying into the idea that I could (an needed to) do it all and was bleeding energy in a thousand little ways—none of which showed up on a to-do list. And one day, I hit the wall.
What’s an Energy Leak?
An energy leak is any task, expectation, or habit that drains you without moving your life meaningfully forward.
They often hide inside:
- Emotional labor (managing others’ moods, calendars, feelings)
- Perfectionism (redoing things that were “good enough”)
- Default yeses (“Sure, I’ll take that on!”)
- Guilt-based obligations (bake sales, parties, group chats, cleanup duty)
- Low-grade friction (messy workspaces, cluttered apps, unmade decisions)
It’s the stuff you feel before you name it. And once you do, you can’t unsee it.
The Aha That Changed Everything
I was cleaning the kitchen at midnight—for the fourth time that week—because I “couldn’t relax” until it was spotless. The kids had made a late snack, after I cleaned the kitchen the first time, and knowing that it would be a mess when I got up in the morning was too much. That mess was all of a couple of glasses and spoons, but it resulted in a full-on counter, cabinet, and floor redo.
No one had asked me to do it. No one would’ve noticed if I didn’t. And no one would have cared in the least bit if it was still there the next night. But I was so used to holding the mental burden, I didn’t even question it.
That night, I wrote a single sentence in my journal:
“I am allowed to stop doing things that exhaust me—even if no one else sees them.”
That sentence changed my life.
How I Found My Biggest Leaks
I did a quick energy audit using three questions:
- What’s something I do regularly that makes me feel resentful?
- What’s a task I’d gladly pay someone else to do?
- What would happen if I stopped doing this—and let the chips fall?
You’d be amazed how many things didn’t actually need doing. And how many other people were happy to take over.
Guilt Is Not a Sign to Keep Going
Here’s your permission slip:
- You don’t owe anyone perfectly folded laundry.
- You don’t have to clean the house before you rest.
- You don’t have to manage everyone else’s experience.
- You don’t have to check the RSVP list six times.
- You don’t have to finish a book, respond to every message, or save the day.
Let it go. Let someone else step in. Or let it be imperfect and still done enough.
What I Do Instead
I use a weekly Energy Leak Tracker to notice and adjust:
- One task to stop doing
- One task to delegate
- One thing to do less perfectly
- One thing to delete or delay entirely
Every week. Just four small shifts. And every time, I feel a little more human again.
What I Want You to Know
You’re not crazy for feeling drained. You’re not weak for needing help. And you’re not selfish for not wanting to do all of it. You are tired because you’re doing the invisible work of ten people.
But here’s the twist: You don’t have to.
Let the guilt go. Let the healing begin.
Want the Energy Leak Tracker?
I made a printable to help you find and plug your leaks.
Includes: – Weekly audit questions
– Guilt-check prompts
– Delegation starter phrases
– One bold mantra: If it’s leaking, it’s costing you.
You’re allowed to protect your energy—even from the things you once said yes to.
—Sterling Phoenix
