Summary
When the Problem Is You—But No One Will Tell You
There’s a certain silence that should scare you as a leader.
No one disagrees with you.
No one pushes back.
No one tells you when something’s not working.
They nod. They smile. They vanish behind “Got it” Slack replies.
You think that means things are running smoothly. It doesn’t. It means your team doesn’t feel safe being honest with you.
Because if your people have gone quiet, they haven’t lost their voice. They’ve just stopped using it around you.
Let’s not sugarcoat this:
If your team walks on eggshells around you, if no one disagrees with you, if every idea has to come with outside proof because your people know you won’t trust them—you’re not leading. You’re performing authority.
And the longer you pretend it’s fine, the more damage you do.
Ask Yourself (If You’re Brave Enough)
- Do people come to you for mentorship—or do they avoid you at all costs?
- Do your team members feel safe showing vulnerability—or do they mask everything just to survive the day?
- When’s the last time someone gave you real feedback?
- Do you hold it against people when they show weakness, make a mistake, or challenge your thinking?
- Do you believe external experts over your own team—every time?
If you can’t answer these with brutal honesty, you’re not leading. You’re just in charge. And everyone knows it.
What You’re Really Doing:
- You’re killing innovation—because people stop trying when they know they’ll be shut down.
- You’re killing trust—because nobody wants to speak truth to someone who punishes honesty.
- You’re killing collaboration—because your team isn’t bonding. They’re bracing.
- You’re killing growth—because no one can grow in fear. Not them. Not you.
And maybe worst of all? You’re convincing yourself this is excellence and leadership.
It’s not.
You Think You’re Protecting Standards. You’re Protecting Your Ego.
Here’s the lie toxic leaders tell themselves:
“I just have high standards.”
No. You have fragile control issues masquerading as standards.
- When someone disagrees, you demand proof.
- When someone tries something new, you second-guess it.
- When someone struggles, you write them off.
And then you wonder why no one steps up. It’s because you’ve made it unsafe to try.
What Great Leadership Actually Looks Like
- It invites feedback—even when it stings.
- It creates room for questions, mistakes, and growth.
- It builds trust by treating your people like intelligent adults—not threats.
- It means sometimes being wrong—and owning it.
If your team lives in fear, you are the reason.
Let that land.
You’ve killed the conditions for great work and made your team smaller, quieter, and more afraid. You’ve also built a system where success means survival, not excellence.
That’s not leadership. That’s dysfunction in a power suit.
The Turning Point
If you’re brave enough to ask for feedback and actually listen…
If you’re strong enough to let go of control…
If you’re ready to build trust instead of demanding obedience…
You can lead again. You can rebuild what you’ve broken. You can become the kind of leader whose team would follow them anywhere. But first, you’ve got to stop pretending this is working.
How to Start Rebuilding Trust and Shifting Your Culture Today
- Invite Real Feedback—and Mean It
Ask: “What’s one thing I’ve done that made it harder for you to do your best work?”
Then shut up. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Just thank them. - Say This Out Loud: “I’ve Made Mistakes. That Changes Now.”
Acknowledging your behavior publicly creates a reset point. People need to hear you take accountability before they’ll take risks. - Create One Safe Place to Be Honest
Start with anonymous forms if you have to. Or hold small-group sessions where you just listen. No punishment. No pushback. No performance. - Change One Leadership Habit This Week
Pick one thing you do that signals control—like interrupting, dismissing, or doubting—and commit to killing it. Let your team know. - Celebrate Contribution, Not Compliance
Call out bravery. Praise thoughtful disagreement. Reward the risk of honesty—not just the safety of agreement.
Your team’s courage is a reflection of your safety.
You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be open.
Start there.
